


Heaven

by iloveitblue



Series: Prompts [130]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-26 17:59:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2661215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveitblue/pseuds/iloveitblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where they both end up in Heaven.</p><p>(It's fluff, I swear)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> No matter what anyone said, Clint didn’t have a death wish. 

It’s true that he’d been devastated at the news that Coulson died even before the Battle of New York. He’d fallen into depression. He grieved the loss of one of his few true friends. It was natural.

Natasha and Clint’s new found friends, the Avengers, had told him - convinced him - time and again, that he wasn’t at fault for what had happened. That he shouldn’t blame himself. It was Loki. All of it. He believed them, of course. It was the only way he could get himself to sleep at night. It took time, but he believed them eventually.

If Clint regretted anything, it was that he never got a chance to tell Phil. It was silly now that he thought about it. What was he waiting for? What kept him from telling Phil? For asking for a chance? Natasha used to tell him almost everyday to just  _tell_  Phil. That the worst that could happen was for Phil to say no.

Clint never did.

And now, he was stuck wondering  _what if_?

It was his biggest regret.

But he wasn’t suicidal.

—-

It was an ordinary day.

Well, ordinary enough by Avengers standards.

Thor ate 3 boxes of pop tarts, Steve glared at anything and everything that moved when he first woke up, Bruce was reading yesterday’s paper, Tony was mumbling something under his breath that Clint was sure JARVIS was recording while the genius had his second cup of coffee, Natasha was eating a big breakfast for the day ahead, and Clint was downing a half a gallon of Orange juice when the alarm sounded.

Steve instantly came alive, Tony grumbled something about it being too early to try and take over the world, Clint, Natasha, Bruce and Thor just opted to quietly head for the helipad bringing with them whatever they were eating/reading. So off they go downtown, to bring in the baddie of the day.

It’d been fairly easy, this villain. She was spouting some nonsense about true freedom or some bullshit like that. She also had an army of male civilians doing her bidding. God, the Avengers hated magic. 

The only problem they had was that they couldn’t exactly hurt the civilians. But even then, it only took them around 2 minutes to figure out how to stop the civilians. Bruce stayed in the quinjet; Iron Man and the Black Widow lowered the power of their weapons just enough to stun the civilians rather than inflict actual damage. Captain America trapped the civilians any way he could instead of the usual flinging shield thing. Clint used his sticky arrows to restrain most of the people. That left Thor to fight the actual villain.

The fight lasted for a total of 30 minutes. 

"That was actually not bad. I had fun." Clint said, stowing his bow away.

"That’s what you say every time." Clint could hear Natasha rolling her eyes.

"That’s because my job  _is_ fun.”

"Okay, Legolas. we get it. you have a weird arrow kink."

"Hey!" Clint said indignantly.

"It’s not like its a secret" Steve joined in the teasing.

“‘Tis true my friend. Your love for arrows are unparalleled in any of the realms.” 

"Heads up, Katniss. I’m headed your way. ETA, 5 minutes." Tony informed him.

"After your teasing? I think I’d rather take the fire escape, thanks." Clint said with a roll of his eyes. 5 minutes was a long time, and Tony was just going to bring him back to the street anyway, so why not save him the trouble, right?

"Aw, don’t be like that, beau. You know I love you." Tony teased.

"I don’t know, hun. You hurt me pretty badly this time. I think I might need a new jet." Clint played along as he made his way down the fire escape.

"No arrows? Who are you and what have you done to Merida?"

"You’re gonna run out of celebrity archers one of these days, Stark. And when that happens, I’ll be there to watch you crash and burn." Clint chuckled. 

"At which point, I turn to bird puns." Clint could hear Steve snort and Thor laugh. He was willing to bet Natasha was smiling.

"That’s not fair! How would you feel if I called you- oh shit!" Clint had jumped from one level to another, seeing as how it get him down faster. But that had been a mistake, apparently, as he lost his footing and slipped on the metal bar he was supposed to land on and ended up free falling from fifteen floors up.

"Clint?"

"Hawkeye? Hawkeye report."

"I’m headed to your location, birdbrain. Hang-"

—-

Clint opened his eyes to bright white light. 

He expected there to be pain. Intense pain and even more intense glares but there were none. He turned his head to find an endless white space. 

Where the hell was he?

Clint stood up and looked around once more. He was still wearing his tac suit but his bow and arrows were missing. He had no weapons on him either. He started walking the endless place to try and look for something - anything - until he finally saw a door in the distance. 

Maybe there was someone who could help at the other side of the door. With caution, he turned the knob and pushed the door open. The other side of the door was a hallway. A hallway of a really nice house; home-y, warm, and lived in. He stepped through the threshold and shut the door behind him and realized that he entered through the front door of what seemed like someone’s house.

"Clint, is that you? Where have you been?" There was a voice coming from the kitchen. 

Wait. 

Kitchen? How did Clint know where the kitchen was? “It took you an hour just to get milk and eggs?” The voice seemed amused, if anything else.

Clint didn’t answer. This was so weird. He started to make his way to the kitchen when he passed by a mirror. He did a double turn at himself. He was no longer wearing his tac suit. He was wearing jeans and a short sleeved button up shirt. 

"This is so weird." He heard himself mumble. 

"What is?" The voice asked from beside him. 

Clint startled and moved away from the voice instinctively, only to find that the voice belonged to Phil. That’s why it sounded so familiar. He hadn’t heard it in years, and its still the best sound he’s ever heard.

Still.

This did not make things any less weird.

If anything, things just got stranger.

"You- But I- You’re supposed to be dead. How?"

Phil stared at him for a moment before he frowned. “What are you talking about?”

"You’re dead. Loki killed you. They told me you were dead. And I- I grieved you. You died and I tried so hard to stay the same. To stay sane without you around. I can’t- If this isn’t real, I don’t think I’ll be able to bounce back." Suddenly, Clint couldn’t breathe. His words were all jumbled up in his head and this was not making any sense at all.

Phil’s eyes widened and he stepped closer. “You’re Clint?”

"Who else am I supposed to be?" 

A small smile grew on Phil’s face and his breath hitched. “You’re  _my_  Clint?” Phil reached out and cupped Clint’s cheek. “You’re here. I can’t believe it. Does- Does that mean that you’re-” Phil’s hand moved away and Clint had to try his hardest not to follow the touch.

"I’m what?"

"dead?"

"I’m dead?"

"That’s the only reason I can think of. Unless SHIELD found a way to go up to heaven and retrieve souls, I think dying is the only place to get here."

Clint stared at Phil for a moment and “I’m in heaven?”

"Technically, it’s  _my_  heaven. There’s a different one for each person - tailored to whatever they wished heaven was like.”

Clint nodded as he processed this for a moment. That explained why Phil was here. Clint’s definition of heaven, after all, is Phil. Clint frowned then. “Wait, then… why am  _I_  in  _your_  heaven?”

Phil stepped back. It was the first time Clint’s seen him blush. It was much more adorable than Clint had imagined. “I- uh…” He sighed. “You have to swear you won’t laugh or I’ll punch you in the face.” Clint nodded, it was too much to ask for, but then again, maybe it wasn’t. “You’re here because  _this_ , all of this… this is my heaven. A life with you.”

It was so cheesy Clint couldn’t help but grin at Phil. That was all he did before Clint stepped up to Phil and closed the gap between them with a kiss so soft, it was heaven.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason this was born was because of this little rant/dabble
> 
> Now, I can’t get the idea of the Avengers, rushing to the emergency room of SHIELD’s Med bay, wishing, hoping, praying that Clint is okay. Natasha has a frown on her face, and they all knew that if she could, if only the pain and the worry would ease, she’d kill someone.
> 
> Steve can’t stand just sitting there and paces. He doesn’t know what to do. He hated feeling like there was nothing he could do while his friend was dying.
> 
> Thor is trying and failing not to break everything in the training room. Letting out his frustrations on anything and everything in front of him.
> 
> Bruce wanted to help the staff, but he can’t. He’s shaking. He’s on the end of his line and his heart rate is racing. He has to take control back, keep calm, Clint will be okay.
> 
> Tony is on the phone with Pepper. Demanding and begging all at the same time that she help get the world’s best doctors here stat. He doesn’t care how much it would cost him. 
> 
> Clint is their friend. None of them wanted to lose him.
> 
> Clint was going to be okay.
> 
> He had to be.
> 
> —-
> 
> He’s not.
> 
> —-
> 
> Clint was convinced that he was in heaven. That Phil had this picture of heaven with him. But as time - or at least the equivalent of time - passed in heaven, there was a nagging feeling inside him.
> 
> Something was wrong.
> 
> Phil had these little quirks that he never had when he was alive. He took everything seriously even when Clint was trying to be funny and get Phil to roll his eyes at him. 
> 
> Heaven!Phil never got mad at him.
> 
> Heaven!Phil never complained to him.
> 
> Heaven!Phil didn’t fail to smile at him.
> 
> As much as Clint liked Heaven!Phil, this could not possibly his Phil. 
> 
> Phil would yell at him for doing something stupid like make a mess of the kitchen.
> 
> Phil would complain to him about Clint hogging the covers like he did that time in Brussels.
> 
> Phil had a range of emotions that were hard to distinguish apart if you didn’t know what to look for.
> 
> Clint blamed it on the fact that Phil was in heaven. He didn’t have a reason to be mad, or complain, or do anything but smile.
> 
> He’s right though. This wasn’t his Phil. 
> 
> This was the Phil that was designed to answer all of his what ifs. The Phil that was designed to show him what he could have had if Phil actually said yes. 
> 
> And slowly, Clint realizes this. 
> 
> He realizes that this Phil existed to give him everything he ever wished for. That Phil, the real Phil, would never love him the way he loves him. Not even in heaven, could he indulge the fantasy that Phil loved him.
> 
> And then he gets it. 
> 
> This wasn’t heaven.
> 
> Being given everything you wanted on a silver platter, but knowing it’s not real. That none of it will ever be truly yours? 
> 
> It’s torture.
> 
> It’s pain.
> 
> It’s _hell_.

They all stared at Clint, watching as the steady beeps of the machine beside him reassure them that he’s alive. That he’s okay. The Avengers watched quietly as their friend slept.

When the news that Clint could not be saved reached them, they all had their ways to cope. Tony had yelled over and over at the doctors in front of him, calling them idiots and undeserving of their titles if they couldn’t even save someone from a fall. He was aware of course that the doctors could not do anything more. That they did all they can to try and save Clint, but it was too late. He was just angry and sad.

Steve had to hold Tony back from laying a hand on one of the staff. Even though all he wanted to do was punch something until the weight of the blood dripping from his knuckles felt heavier than his heart. 

Natasha had excused herself for a while and they didn’t see her again until that night.

Bruce had also disappeared, stole a plane and flew it somewhere isolated perhaps, in case his emotions got the best of him.

Thor actually broke some things. but that was also when he started forming a plan. He said his goodbyes to Steve and Tony and went back to Asgard to request for his brother’s help. He was going to get Clint back. He was going to get their friend back.

—-

“AC, Some scary redhead chick is downstairs. May is trying to hold her off but she’s not budging.”

—-

Clint thanked Phil for the meal and Phil just smiled at him. He then started to clear the table away, when Clint tried to help, Phil smiled and told him not to bother with it. That he can do it all on his own.

Clint let him, but when he turned away, he frowned. 

This wasn’t exactly what he had planned when he wished he could be with Phil. He’d have wanted a chance to make Phil fall in love with him. To have him hear he loves him. To hear Phil’s happy sigh when Clint cooks his favorite food. To hear him laugh when they watch dog cops. To hear him yell at Clint when he does something stupid. To hear him say his name in a worried tone when Clint does actually get hurt. To-

“Clint.”

Yeah. Like that.

Wait.

Clint’s sight turned black for a second before returning to their picturesque kitchen. 

“Clint, can you hear me?” That was Phil’s voice. 

The scene around Clint started to flicker. Like an old TV turning channels. 

“If you can, please, I need you to wake up.  _We_  need you to wake up.” Phil begged. “The- The Avengers, they can’t do anything without you. They need you with them. I need you. I’m sorry I lied. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was alive. I’m just- I’m sorry, Clint. I haven’t even told you I love you yet. You can’t just die on me without knowing how much you mean to me.”

Clint’s surroundings continued to flicker until it turned back to an endless white space. “Please, Clint.”

Clint flinches when someone touches his hand. He looks down to see his right hand being cradled by two hands, the arms and body slowly materializing from thin air, followed by Phil’s face. He was crying. Why was Phil crying? Was it because he was in hell?

—-

“Please, Clint.” Phil whispers one more time.

A hand touches his shoulder and he looks up to see Thor by his side. “You need to rest.” Thor tells him and Phil goes back to staring at Clint.

“I’m fine. I just-” Phil’s words dies when the hand he was cradling twitches. “He moved.” Phil says, his eyes never leaving Clint’s hand. He looks up at Thor then at the other Avengers who crowd around the cot. “He moved!”

They all watch as Clint’s eyes started fluttering until he was staring up at Phil. He reached out his free hand and run his thumb across the tear stains on Phil’s face, before passing out again.

They all breathed out a sigh of relief then smiled quietly at each other.

Clint was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/115375539216/on-the-one-hand-im-sunburned-and-my-face)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clint had recovered fairly well considering everything. In the two weeks it took to bring him back to life and recuperate - man, gotta love that Asgardian healing magic - the Avengers and Phil had stayed beside him. 

Natasha told Phil that it was okay if Phil needed to leave. “I’m sure Clint would understand.” She smiled a little sadly.

Phil shook his head gently. “I asked May to take over for a few days. She’s updating me every hour.” 

Natasha sighed in relief and gave Phil a smile before opening the door to Clint’s room. “We brought pizza!” She announced to everybody inside the room. 

“Phil has 4 cheese, pepperoni and anchovies. I have vegetarian and meatlovers supreme.”

“What even is on vegetarian pizza?” Clint asked, making grabby hands at Phil’s boxes. 

“Every topping there is that isn’t made of meat.” Bruce answered, taking the vegetarian pizza from Natasha. “I might not be vegetarian, but I do like their version of pizza.” 

“Pizza is not pizza without meat, my friend. I should know. I’m from the 40′s.” Steve said with a grin, pulling a stringy pizza from the box. 

“That argument does not even make sense.” Tony frowned. “ _This_  is a proper argument: Vegetarian pizza is not real pizza because I say so.”

“How exactly does that make any sort of sense?” Steve pointed at Tony with his pizza flapping in midair.

“I’m Tony Stark. I’m a reliable source.” 

“Oh and what? Captain America isn’t?” 

“Oh, nice. Pull the I-am-Captain-America card. That’s-” 

“Children. It’s pizza. Just eat it.” Natasha rolled her eyes at all of them.

“Thor seems to understand that concept.” Phil pointed out.

They all turn to Thor who’s starting on his second box of pizza. Thor looked up and smiled at them as he chewed. “You wish to speak, then speak. Do not blame me if I finish this feast on my own while you were all bickering.” Thor shrugged. 

Clint snorted at that and it started a series of giggles from everyone else. And soon, everyone was laughing. Up until Tony’s phone rang, calling the Avengers into action. 

They quickly finished their slice and headed out the door with a see you later to both Clint and Phil. (Thor came back to get a box before running off again.)

In the silence left by the Avengers, Phil and Clint continued to eat, not even glancing at each other. They both refused to talk to each other ever since Clint woke up. They refused to be left alone in the same space alone for too long and couldn’t even look at each other in the eye. This was all because of different, but equally stupid, reasons. 

For Phil, he had somehow convinced himself that Clint wouldn’t want to listen to the reason why he was there and not six feet under. He thinks that Clint wouldn’t forgive him for it, so he’s taking what he can get and if that’s just quietly staying by his said, then fine. 

For Clint, he’s convinced that Phil had somehow figured out how hell had shown him his deepest dreams come alive, and that that disgusted Phil so much that he couldn’t even speak to Clint. So Clint will take what he can and enjoy Phil’s quiet presence rather than none at all.

“Clint-”

“Phil, I-”

The idiots said at the same time before they both shut up.

“You first,” Clint said after a few awkward seconds.

“I was just going to ask if you wanted me to turn the TV on.” Liar.

“Oh, yeah. I- sure.” 

Phil turned the TV to a channel about some reality show nobody really watched and sat back down next to Clint. 

“You wanted to tell me something?” Phil prompted. 

“I was just- I was wondering if you could turn the TV on.” Clint shrugged. Liar.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Another few seconds pass and they don’t speak, letting mindless television fill the silence in the room.

“Phil-”

“Clint-” They said at the same time, again. Phil cleared his throat, “Uh, would you like some water?” 

“Yes please.” Phil passed Clint the water and Clint accepted, drinking as slow as he can.

“Listen, Clint, I need to tell you something.” Phil finally said. 

Clint nodded, giving him his full attention. 

Phil braced himself and thought,  _now or never_  before barreling on, “I’m sorry. For everything. Mostly for lying to you. For keeping  _this”_ He gestured to himself, “a secret. But I want you to know that I didn’t mean to do it. Well, I did but I couldn’t just show up in front of your doorstep without explanation. I had to find out what they did to me first. And after I found out, I… well, I didn’t think you’d want to see me again. But I never stopped wanting to tell you. It was always there, in the back of my mind, taunting me. I wanted nothing more than to go back to you and Natasha. To my team. And then I hear about what happened. I had to come see it for myself. I didn’t want to believe it, but there you were. You were so cold. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I knew what I wanted. I wanted you back. Alive and well, next to me. All I thought then was  _why did I never tell you I was alive? Why didn’t I just tell you I love you? And now it’s too late._ but then, you woke up. And I was even more confused, ‘coz you acted like I never left, like you didn’t even care. But honestly, neither did I. I was just so happy that you’re back. And I never got to tell you, Welcome Back.” Phil smiled, a pitiful attempt at a bright smile.

Clint was silent for a long time. Not that Phil actually expected him to say anything, but a little feedback would have been nice. “Well, I guess I should let you rest.” Phil got up from his chair and turned to walk away. 

“Phil, wait.” Clint’s voice was soft, barely a whisper. Phil turned back around to face Clint. “I need to tell you something too.” Phil nodded and Clint sucked in a breath. “I love you. For a really long time, I’ve been in love with you. I never told you because I didn’t think you’d ever feel the same way. And then you died. That was my biggest regret. I never got to tell you I love you. When I died, I went to this… place. I don’t know if you believe in heaven or hell, but I was there. I was with you. I had a life with you. It was so fucking domestic, it was surreal. I thought maybe that’s what heaven looked like. And then I came back to myself, I realized that that was a fantasy. Something I’d always wanted, but could never have. It was torture, knowing that it could never be true, I was in hell. And then I wake up, and you’re the first thing I see. I say to myself that I’m dreaming, but I wasn’t. You were really there. You were alive. At first I felt betrayed, because how could you? how could you not tell me, that you were okay? And then, it made sense, why would you? I didn’t matter to you. I wasn’t important enough to know. Reality is a bitch, isn’t it? And now, you’re telling me all this, and I can’t… I can’t go through what I did in hell, Phil. I can’t go on hoping. It hurts. So please, don’t tell me you love me when you don’t mean it.” Clint wasn’t smiling. In fact, he was on the verge of tears. 

Phil got up and pulled Clint to him, cradling the man’s head on his shoulder. It was an awkward position, but it’d have to do. “Shh, I got you.” Phil whispered, trying his best to calm the archer. 

When the sobs quieted down, Phil let go of Clint enough so he could see Clint’s eyes. 

“Listen to me, okay? I’m not dead. You’re not dead. You are not in hell, and this is real. I told you I love you, and whether or not you feel the same way anymore, I love you. I’m going to tell you that everyday, until you believe me. Until you believe that all of this is real, and I love you.” He pulled Clint back into the hug and kept on whispering “I love you”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #the author is tired of their shit and just wishes they use their mouths to speak to each other#or any other activity they choose to do with their mouths really#wink wink
> 
> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/123890162776/i-need-to-make-an-apron-this-getting-my-clothes)

**Author's Note:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/103368623676/ive-been-listening-to-taylor-swifts-blank-space)
> 
> also, I might have added some bits that I won't post (so it's not really a part of the story), but I think would be an awesome chapter 2 because I am an asshole and you shouldn't trust me. [Found Here](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/103450531776/promptmephlint-ive-been-listening-to-taylor)


End file.
